I find your lack of pants disturbing.
How are ya guys.
We almost broke Spotify, we are THAT cool.
GIVE IT UP FOR THE INTERNET
So cool to see everyone here.
So I was eating this english muffin right
And someone said somethig funny
And half of my english muffin went flying
And it had a lot of peanut butter on it
And I watched it sail through the air
Right as i took a huge drink of orange juice
Only I had juice in my mouth
So I ended up spitting orange juice ALL OVER the girl who’s shirt I just threw half an english muffin down
HAHAHAHAHA HOW BOUT DAT ACTION
PRETTY GOOD EH???? EHH???? EH???????
And then I went on the internet to talk to you because the internet rules
Actually downloading the whole internet rules
Oh man. And then this one time…
Me and my buddy john were waterskiing
Like regular skiing only on water because of reasons
And me and a bunch of friends were in theboat, and john was in the lake with the skiis on
And I was driving right.
So john yells “OK HIT IT” like you do when you’re really bad at waterskiing and what’s about to happen is going to be hilarious
Because you’re a n00bsauce and who the heck is actually good at waterskiiing??
So i HIT IT like no man has ever hit it before in the history of humankind in the universe
Okay so when you’re waterskiing you’re supposed to take the slack out of the ski rope
BEFORE you hit it or else bad things tend to happen
And we forgot to do this because who really cares
Only the boat hit the end of the rope at like 75 mph…
And old johnny wasn’t quite ready for the hilarity that was about to ensue
But me and the rest of the guys were ready because when the slack came out of the rope
It yanked john so hard, it sucked him RIGHT outta his skiis
And you’re supposed to let go right? Like when you lose your skiis?
But John is the biggest N00B that ever lived and so naturally he didn’t let go
And we’re all riding in the boat laughing and screaming at him to LET GO U IDIOT
And the boat is circling the lake at like 110 mph now
And john is still hanging on for dear life with no skiis
So we keep laughing and laughing and shouting and pointing and spilling Mountain Dew everywhere because.. hilarious
AND THEN we must’ve hit a rough patch of water somewhere on the lake because JOHN’S SHORTS GET YANKED ALL THE WAY OFF
SO WE ARE DRAGGING THIS FREAKING NAKED GUY HANGING ONTO A ROPE AROUND A LAKE
LOLOLOLOL NAKED GUYS
And I can’t remember if john ever did let go because i was laughing so hard my tears were choking me to death
But i remember he was basically a walking red RASH for like 6 months after that hahahaha
So we always give him a hard time now and talk about the time we dragged him around the lake naked
he laughs because he’s a good sport
then i debate writing a song about it because yolo
you guys type fast you know that?
what’d you get like 500 words per minute in word processing class?
i got like 5 words per minute because who cares
only when i was in high school we didn’t have spotify because we weren’t awesome
actually we didnt even have cars or electricity
BACK WHEN I WAS A KID WE DIDNT EVEN HAVE FOOD
WE WERE SO POOR WE COULDNT EVEN AFFORD TO PAY ATTENTION
we ate rocks and stuff
so i’m going on tour next week with Maroon 5 right.
and i love touring with those guys because most of them are vegan right
which means there’s the coolest, weirdest stuff to eat at catering.
like food i’ve never heard of/can’t even pronounce. it’s just sitting there.
so i walk in and sup everyone and stuff my face and then leave. CAN I GET AN AMEN FROM THE PEOPLE.
I toured with John Mayer a couple years ago and his catering was enchiladas like every day.
the BEST enchiladas ever. cheese, sour cream, tomatoes, lettuce, random crunchy things
And we were somewhere and my lighting guy came back with a burger made out of Krispy Kreme donuts
Like a regular burger only donuts instead of bread. U ever heard of thtat?
so intense. i think he got super bad diarreah after that. HAHAHAHA AMEN TO THAT.
But you know me. I’m down with that kinda stuff.
Actually now that I think of it, I think the first thing I ever looked up on the internet was diarrhea
in the computer lab at school in like 6th grade. yolo?
wait everyone type “yeah” on the count of three ready?
LOOK AT HOW AWESOME WE ARE
HIGH FIVES ALL AROUND. TO YOU AND YOU AND YOU
hahahah and to the one kid typing stuff about male genitals because yolo?
you got a bright future ahead buddeh
thanks for hanging out everyone! thanks for the laughs
let’s do this again if we don’t break the internet? or I download all of it?
peace out like a trout xoxo
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